THE FLAWED MUSE #1

KAT DAR

"My name is Kat. Normal (ish) 26 year old, born and bred in South East London. Half of me is English (cheers mum), the other half of me is Israeli (shout out to my dad for the olive skin). Was raised primarily by mum, alongside my two older sisters (shout out to Thea and Faye). My mum was the most amazing woman ever. I say was as my mum passed away from cancer on the 5th March 2014. I need to shout out to my step dad Frank, who literally is the best man you will ever come across. He was by my mums side till the day she died and is still by my side now! I have recently started my own blog; ​ www.mymindmyworld.co.uk  - check it out! My blog is very important to me as its my therapy. I find by writing, it helps me overcome any issues I may have faced or currently am facing. I like to hold my cards close to my chest, so by reading my blog,
you will start to understand exactly what I'm about!"

My favourite quote is:

"The mind is everything, what you think you become"

- Buddha

Describe a flaw that you have, a trying time in your life or something you would change about yourself.
​​
Those closest to me know that I lost my mum nearly 3 years ago now. That by far is the most trying time in my life as you can imagine. Despite my mum being ill for a number of years, you never truly prepare yourself. How could I of prepared myself. One minute my mum was there, the next she was gone. Each day I try and learn to deal with it as opposed to let it conquer me.
I'm going to be honest though, it's still a trying time for me!


What is your best memory?
My best memory is when I did a sky dive. I was crapping myself!!!! I did it with my friend Katie. It took three trips until we were eventually allowed to jump because of bad weather. Anyway, I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about as we took off and just saw the ground getting further and further away. It's not until they shuffle you forward and your legs are hanging out the plane that you think "ah shit, I have to jump". Despite the initial moment of fear, by far the best memory so far...
I'm sure there are many more to come!

What is your worst memory?

Seeing my mum shortly after she died. An image I will forever hold in my mind despite how many times I try to forget it.


What has been one of the most defining moments in your life so far?
Finally starting this blog. I had wanted to do it for ages but was scared incase it didn't work out.
I'm so glad I took the plunge because so far so good!

What is the biggest lesson you learned from a mistake you made or a trying time in your life?

   
I think it's very easy to make a mistake and blame it on something else. For example, when my mum died there were a lot of things I done that I now regret. At the time, you do not think it will affect your future at any point. This is where the quote "what goes around comes around" fits perfectly. A mistake that I made in the past has now impacted my present.
Just remember think before you act.


What is the one thing people always misunderstand about you and why do you think this happens?
People tend to think that I am very thick skinned. That nothing bothers me. I don't have a heart basically. My fault. I tend to put on this front that nothing fazes me. Nothing can touch me so to speak. In reality, I am so bloody emotional it's unreal. I have so many insecurities and take things to heart very easily. Over the last year or so I have learned to open up and not be scared to show my emotions to people. I'm not perfect but I'm getting there!

What character traits do you possess that you would like to break and why?​​
   
I'm learning to drop my pride. I didn't realise I even had so much pride until recently. If something doesn't go my way or I don't like what I hear, I instantly get defensive and just run away. I've realised I can't live like this. You end up pushing those closest to you away. You become difficult to be around. I've started to meditate and slowly I'm noticing the difference;
the pride is on the way out!


What is your philosophy in life?
My philosophy on life. Live for today, be grateful for everyday you are on this earth. Laugh as much as possible.
Don't look back, you were a different person yesterday.

What feels like love to you?

Love for me is found in someone. Be it a partner, friend or a family member. Love is being able to express your true emotions and not have to worry about being judged. A place where you feel safe, you are protected from any pain.
Love is and should be unconditional.


What cheers you up when you are down and why?
Laughter. When I'm down the best medicine is laughter. To be around the people you love and just laugh is amazing.
For however long it may be, you are able to forget all the pain and hurt and just be happy again.

What do you think is the most important thing someone can do to improve themselves and why?

The most important thing a person can do is admit their flaws. Admit that they messed up and accept
that they need to change; and are willing to change.


What is the last thing you have done that’s really worth remembering?
Being able to finally walk away from a toxic situation. Channeling that inner strength and knowing my worth.
Knowing that I am better than that. Knowing that I can survive on my own.

Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of and if so what is stopping you?

I'm currently holding onto love, as corny as it may sound. Sometimes relationships don't work out and you need to let go in order to grow. It's going to take time but eventually I know I'll have the strength to finally say goodbye.


What have you given up on and why?
I've given up on trying to please everyone. I used to hate it if I knew someone had a problem with me for example. However, I've learned to realise life it way too short. You really can't make everyone happy so why weigh yourself down.
Cut out the negativity and crack on!

Photography: ​Harry Bigsby-Thompson - Instagram

Words and Muse: Kat Dar - Instagram

Music: 'Skeletons' by Emi McDade - Instagram - Website

Location: London, UK